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Bummer! I wish I had heard of “Love and Logic” Sooner

I’m heading off to my Grandma’s house this weekend and so my husband is holding down the fort. I’m really looking forward to a plane ride without children.  Bring on a layover; I don’t care! 

One of the things I am excited to do while wedged back in Coach, is to finish reading Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay.  Yes, I know I do not have teenagers, but this was the first Love and Logic book our library had available to check out.  I’m way down on the hold list for the rest of them.

This book on teenagers however, is so amazing that I have actually gone and purchased it to keep off of Amazon.  I want to read it again and again, and next time use a highlighter.  I also want my husband to read it, after I’ve written all of my little notes in the margins.  I guess I better order the book for younger children too…

One of the major subjects of Parenting Teens with Love and Logicis how to not argue with your teenagers, and the ways you can change your communication styles to avoid power struggles and no-win situations.  The book suggests that parents talk in a way that emphasizes what the parent will do, not what the teen should do.  Example: “I will serve you dinner after you have showered,” instead of “Take a shower right now!” 

The authors also make a clear case for what they call an “inverted triangle.”  When kids are little they should be have very few choices.  As kids grow up, the authors say that we should give kids more and more control over their own life, because the purpose of parenting is to raise adults who can think for themselves, not adults who do things because they are afraid of what their parents might say.  I wasn’t an authoritative-style parent to begin with, but the triangle idea still made me think.

Every time I read another chapter in this book my mind starts opening up a little bit more, and I see new ways I can improve how I interact with my kids.  Previously I was a Positive Discipline devote, both at home and in the classroom.  Love and Logic seems similar, but better.  I’ve tried a lot of the communication changes and they really work. Wow!

P.S.  For those of you have read any of the Love and Logic books, I hope you enjoyed my little joke in the title of this post.  🙂


6 Comments

  1. I really enjoyed this book, too. I had it from the library, I’m thinking I should check it out again or get my own copy 🙂

    When my kids were little, we called the triangle concept “living inside the funnel” -same idea, they had less freedom when toddlers/preschoolers but as they get older the funnel top widens. My dh is struggling with our boy – he was raised with a very strict/demanding parent and it comes out with our son, I’m thinking the example of not just commanding “go take a shower” would be really helpful at our house, thank you 🙂

    • jenbrdsly says:

      It’s hard not to start using the Love and Logic stuff on my husband. For example, I said “I can’t wait to talk about Love and Logic and how it might help our family, after you have read the book.” Instead of… “I need you to read this book RIGHT NOW!”. 🙂

  2. Michele says:

    I agree, this is one of the best parenting resources out there. I was introduced to Love and Logic at work where we were trained to use the concepts in the classroom. I find that I use it at home as well as it really helps to not get into the power struggles with your kids.

    • jenbrdsly says:

      Oooh! Now you are making me want to get the Love and Logic for teachers book too. It’s funny how classroom discipline methods keep changing. When I first got my credential “Assertive Discipline” was the rage. Then it was “Positive Discipline”. I need to stay current.

  3. Jadah Sellner says:

    I am a huge fan of Love and Logic. I have the Early Years curriculum and it is awesome. I think positive parenting, non-violent communication and love and logic go hand in hand. I’ll be sharing some of my own personal experiments of Love and Logic over on my blog: http://www.familysponge.com. The one liners from Love and Logic are priceless.

    • jenbrdsly says:

      Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading your posts.

      Btw I just caught my 7 year old reading Love and Logic on his own. I asked him what he was doing and he said “I’m learning to deflect natural consequences.” 🙂

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